(The episode starts off with Jason bouncing towards Dan)

Jason: Dan! Dan!

Dan: What?

Jason: Zombies.

(Camera pans over to several sickly green eggs with yellowed whites and red irises making groaning sounds and slowly advancing towards Dan and Jason)

Dan: Wait, zombies are real?

Jason: Oh my god, THEY'VE STOLEN MY FACE! (Has no face)

Dan: Nope, you just turned around.

Jason: (Turns around, and now has a face) Oh. Okay.

(Bird's eye view of the zombies, Dan, and Jason)

Dan: Follow me! (Bounces toward the side of the refrigerator)

Jason: (Bounces along with Dan)

Dan: I want to kill Justin Bieber.

(Cyan lines are traced onto the refrigerator. The lines are shaped like a door. The door opens, revealing several shotguns and a pile of Jason's cheese)

Jason: Yeah!

(The music becomes intense. Dan leaps in front of the zombies with a shotgun and shoots one in the head, and it is blown back quite a distance. It continues to advance as if nothing had happened. Dan shoots another zombie.)

(Jason leaps in holding two wedges of his cheese.)

Jason: Cheese attack! (Throws a wedge at a zombie. It simply bounces off, doing no damage.)

Dan: (Shoots four more zombies)

Jason: (Throws cheese. The zombies are unaffected, but one zombie ingests the cheese and gets bigger with the classic SMB Mushroom sound effect)

Large Zombie: (Groan...)

Jason: Ah, it's hopeless! They won't die!

Dan: They don't seem to be moving very fast... (Grins towards Jason)

Jason: ...(Gasps as he has an idea)

(The two eggs push two zombies off the counter. Their groaning stops with a splat.)

Dan: Hahaha. Bye!

Jason: Dan!

Dan: What?

Jason: Vampires.

(Camera pans over to four white eggs with white irises and pointed fangs)

Vampire Eggs: Nyeeeeeh! (One vampire egg at the right continues to make the "Nyeh" sound)

Dan: Okay, I get that they're vampires, but what about THAT guy?

(Camera pans out to reveal a fifth egg perched upon a six-pack)

Six-Pack Egg: I'm Jacob. And I'm not actually a vampire, I'm a werewo-

Dan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it.

Jason: It's daytime. Shouldn't you be on fire?

Vampire Egg #2: We don't combust. We just glisten. Yeah...

(Vampire Egg #4 is still growling)

Dan: This kitchen has pre-Twilight vampire rules. (Directs their attention to a sign)

Sign: Pre-Twilight Vampire Rules: "This means that if you are a wimpy vampire, you will spontaneously combust. Also note: If you are reading this, you have no life. Nanananana waffles." That is all.

(Camera moves to the vampires, which are now on fire)

Vampire Egg #2: ...Oh.

(Vampire Egg #4 is still growling)

Jacob: Why am I on fire?

(All four vampires, including Jacob, burn up, casting glare that Dan and Jason "shield" from their eyes.)

(The counter is now entirely empty, excluding Dan and Jason.)

Jason: Dan!

Dan: What is it now?! Pixies?!

Jason: Ghosts!

(The camera pans over to...nothing.)

Dan: ... (Stares at Jason with a "Seriously?" look)

Return to The Crack: Zombie Eggs!